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Why Colorado Tokers Love Chemmy Jones

Ms. Jones is not to be trifled with.EXPAND
Ms. Jones is not to be trifled with.
Herbert Fuego
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I’ve fallen prey to Chemmy Jones not once, not twice, but three times now. I can’t help myself, and neither can my nose. Those gas fumes keep fooling me, like some sort of horticultural hormone.

Chemmy Jones actually hails from the United Kingdom, where Connoisseur Seeds created the buzzing hybrid. Some online descriptions call it a “functional” strain, but I strongly disagree. While cannabis strains can affect everyone differently, I’ve yet to come across a cut of ol’ Jonesy that doesn’t turn me and my friends into a gang of drooling buffoons. This combination of Casey Jones and Chemdawg phenotype Chemdawg D will send you on a stoned and disoriented adventure — or in my case, another one.

Every session of Chemmy Jones might as well be an anchor tied to my waist, pulling me far away from productivity and self-care. Ever been so stoned that grabbing the water bottle by your bed required too much effort? Ol’ Jonesy will take you there. I’m all for a stiff kick in the lungs, and I’m rarely scared off by an indica or potency, but the lesson has been learned: Chemmy Jones is too tough for me.

Piney, sour and rubbery notes would definitely attract Diesel aficionados to Chemmy Jones, but anyone who likes Diesel strains for their energetic, focused highs should stay far away. This high is much closer to Chemdawg’s, making users foggy, hungry and unsure of which way is up.

I’ve found Chemmy Jones in either flower or concentrate form at Ballpark Holistic Dispensary, DANK, Drift, the Farmer’s Market, Nature’s Herbs and Wellness, Oasis Cannabis Superstores, Peak, Verde Natural, Vibes Cannabis and Village Green Society; it’s also distributed by Willie’s Reserve. Peak’s wholesale cut is stiff and stanky, but pricey. Verde’s carries a thick, room-filling stank sure to arouse any Diesel or Chemdawg fan. Just be sure to clear your schedule before smoking it.

Looks: Segmented, bulbous calyxes, a wispy bud structure, average trichome coverage and lime-green buds give Chemmy Jones a classic Chemdawg or Diesel appearance.

Smell: Few strain aromas jump out of the jar like Chemmy Jones, with loud hits of gasoline and sharp pine, and a chalky, rubbery aroma akin to that of a pink eraser. Subtle floral notes with a spicy kick hang around at the end.

Flavor: The smell might be dominated by Diesel, but the taste is closer to a rubbery OG Kush. Those spicy, floral notes are much more present on the tastebuds, almost partnering with the Diesel and pine flavors instead of complementing them.

Effects: Don’t get cocky with Chemmy Jones. The initial feelings are euphoric and relaxing, but that slowly fades into unfocused sedation while increasing the appetite, which is a conflicting set of effects. The disorientation is just too strong for me. Medical benefits could include treating anxiety, depression, minor pain, eating and sleeping disorders, nausea and stress.

Home grower’s take: “It takes too long to flower (seventy days if you want to do it right), and it has lots of branches and lots of leaves. Don’t get me wrong, though: She’s a pretty tough plant, and can handle poorly insulated grows and minor temperature changes better than others. The high just fucks me up too much. Can’t focus, can’t think — I just don’t react well to it.”

Commercial grower’s take: “Anybody looking for a Diesel cut smells this and wants to take it home, but we try to tell customers that the high isn’t that productive if they’re not familiar with Chemdawg. Novice users still tend to love it, though — they just want to smell something Diesel-y and laugh at stupid shit, and I don’t think that heavy high annoys them as much as people who can tell those differences. Good for forgetting things, if that’s what you want.”

Is there a strain you’d like to see profiled? Email marijuana@westword.com.

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