Santa, we’ve been very good this year…though we admit that legalization has helped. Still, we should be on the “nice” list, and one of the things we want the most next year is a great 420 rally. This event should be a jewel in the Colorado crown: We’ve led the nation in the fight for marijuana rights, serving as a voluntary laboratory in how to successfully integrate pot into a law-abiding city and state populace, and that leadership alone is reason enough for an annual celebration.
7. Free Munchies
Is it too much to ask for a Cheetos table? Or maybe have the whole event sponsored by Taco Bell? If we can get free tacos when the Rockies hit a few homers, then surely we can get the Bell to offer some for 420 participants. Hand out Ganjaritos: You know we’ll be running for the border later that night anyway, so you might as well prime the pump, inferno-sauce style.
6. A Specific Strain That Makes Us Want to Pick Up Trash Look, this isn’t Woodstock, and this isn’t some farm way upstate. This is Civic Center Park, right downtown, and people are going to notice if there's garbage left behind. Since we’re there to smoke and socialize, why not work toward a hybrid weed that makes us want to clean, like Monica Geller on Friends? Hell, name it after her and her coaster-using, cleanser-fetish inspiration. “Hey, man, you holding some Monica Geller?” Puff, puff, polish.
5. Kindly Cops Can Denver maybe hire some of those old-time, black-and-white movie cops on the beat? Not the ones who think that rousting minorities is a way to keep the peace, but those who respond to some harmless tomfoolery (like social consumption) by saying “faith and begorrah,” smiling knowingly and whistling as they move merrily along and keep an eye out for, you know, real crime.
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Teague Bohlen is a writer, novelist and professor at the University of Colorado Denver. His first novel, The Pull of the Earth, won the Colorado Book Award for Literary Fiction in 2007; his textbook The Snarktastic Guide to College Success came out in 2014. His new collection of flash fiction, Flatland, is available now.