In 2020, Try Not to Become a CBDipshit

If it's on a hot dog, then it's American.
If it's on a hot dog, then it's American. Thomas Mitchell
About six months ago, a Reddit user posted a photo of a sign pretending to peddle fake CBD-infused firewood. The Internet reacted as you’d expect, shaking a collective fist and rabble-rousing over something that was clearly intended as funny commentary concerning exactly what the Reddit readers thought they were mad about: CBD is being used and abused.

Even if the Internet’s anger was misplaced (big surprise) and we haven’t reached the point of CBD-infused firewood yet — that we know of — there’s no dearth of dumb cash grabs by companies slapping some CBD on it. Earlier this year, we spotted a hot dog stand (at the Cherry Creek Arts Festival, of all places) advertising franks infused with 5 milligrams of the stuff. Carl’s Jr. did something similar as a 4/20 stunt in Denver, adding a whopping 4.2 milligrams into a special sauce for a special burger.

It seemed like we’d reached a breaking point, but it turns out it was just the tip of the iceberg. CBD is now more powerful than avocados, kale and acai combined. And, unlike mere superfoods, it can be injected into all sorts of shit, including shit you don’t eat.

Kicking ass all day wears on the body, so there are now chewing tobacco pouches infused with the hemp extract, for nights when Brad and Chad just want to chill. And if you’re putting CBD in with a hot dog or minty tobacco buzz, why not use it on the way out, with hemp toilet paper infused with CBD? It's not boofing if you're wiping...right?

If you thought CBD comfort ended there, think again. Pillowcases, bedsheets, pet beds, yoga gear, candles: They’ve all been magically infused with it at one point or another. But to be fair, there’s a severe lack of science on how the body reacts to CBD, so maybe infusing a good thread count or ocean-scented candle is the true secret to unlocking our bodies’ endocannabinoid systems.

In any case, the potential of CBD is not to be ignored, and there are plenty of worthy CBD businesses. We’ve seen firsthand what CBD can do for patients suffering from seizures, inflammation and physical and mental trauma. And if you think putting a splash of CBD oil under your tongue or in your morning coffee helps with social anxieties, or rubbing a CBD salve on your back helps soothe an aching body, it very well could.

But don’t fall for any snake-oil schemes. Save your money for the next iPhone.
KEEP WESTWORD FREE... Since we started Westword, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Denver, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Thomas Mitchell has written about all things cannabis for Westword since 2014, covering sports, real estate and general news along the way for publications such as the Arizona Republic, Inman and Fox Sports. He's currently the cannabis editor for westword.com.
Contact: Thomas Mitchell