Without getting into specifics, let's just say a certain R&B singer's gross sexual history has caused me to look for a new go-to karaoke song. Although a few Queen classics initially seemed like fun choices, I quickly realized that I was foolish to think I could win a room trying to impersonate Freddie Mercury. It seemed like my once-every-six-months career was over.
Then I discovered Randy Newman.
If we're being factual, I’ve actually known about Randy Newman ever since Toy Story, but he really left-foot-right-footed himself into my heart after a Family Guy episode featured his goofy-ass voice. The deep, dopey aspect of it seemed to fit me, for some reason, and I've been a star in dive bars ever since. (Not really, but it's fun to sing “Short People” when you’re drunk.) So when I came across a funky-smelling strain named after Randy Newman, it seemed like a message from the stoner-culture gods. That it smelled like a spread of fruit and expensive cheese didn’t hurt, either.
A rare strain at the moment, Randy Newman can be found at one dispensary we know of, L’Eagle, where budtenders call it a “mystery indica.” We’ve heard rumors of some OG Kush mixed in there, but Randy Newman’s bright smell and fruity, cheesy flavor give off more of a U.K. Cheese vibe. Anyone who’s tried Good Chemistry’s Ingrid should be familiar with a strain like Randy Newman, both in flavor and effects.
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Randy Newman is still riding high off an early hit, but the jury is out on the strain’s staying power, considering its rarity and lack of backstory. There’s a good chance that it’s just a phenotype of something that came out different than expected, and the breeders slapped a funny name on it. If you keep seeing Randy Newman down the line and elsewhere, then you know you have a real strain. And after enjoying both the strain’s hors d'oeuvre flavor and the real Randy Newman’s list of unintentionally hilarious songs, I sure hope it isn’t a one-hit wonder.
Looks: Although labeled an indica, Randy Newman is tall and gangly, with light, fluffy buds and a bright-green color. The heavy pistil coverage and light trichome presence can get out of hand, reminding you more of a teenage basketball player’s armpit than cannabis. Lucky for us, the smell is much more refreshing.
Smell: Like a charcuterie plate, without the cured meats. In true Randy Newman fashion, the strain smells cheesy as hell, with sweet notes of berries and a gust of floral, grassy scents that swell up at the bottom of your nostrils toward the end.
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Flavor: Although Randy Newman starts getting grassy after you smell it too long, the flavor maintains the cheesy, fruity notes advertised by the aroma. For having such soft, light calyxes, the flavor can really pack a punch, reminding me of white crumbly cheese and slightly unripened strawberries.
Effects: Instantly calming to the point of pulling my eyes to the back of my skull, Randy Newman feels more like listening to Barry White than to “You Got a Friend in Me.” That relaxation isn’t totally debilitating, though, allowing me to finish a few tasks or organize my day before the body melt hits an hour or so down the road.
Commercial grower’s take: “I’ve heard it’s a mix of OG-type strains, but I don’t get much of those earthy and sock-like smells from it — much more fruit and cheese. The high is pretty close to an OG, though, not that that really means anything. Gun to my head, I’d say it has some Cheese genetics in there or is a one-off cut of something — but thank God I don’t.”
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