John Elway -- you've picked the wrong Paige Green!

The other Paige Green in Gory Gory Hallelujah.

Plenty of media types, including 9News sportscaster Drew Soicher, announced that the Paige Green whom Denver Broncos legend John Elway intends to marry boasts film credits such as Leave It!, Mercy for the Innocent and Ray of Darkness, a 2005 flick whose tagline recommended "Die Before It's Too Late." (Like before watching the movie, presumably.) Unfortunately, the Rocky Mountain News' Penny Parker subsequently revealed that Elway's Green is a different Paige Green entirely -- one best known for being (shudder) a former Oakland Raiders cheerleader.

Fortunately, though, it's not too late for Big John to make a trade -- and in an effort to convince him to swap Greens, we offer the following trailer from another entry in the thespian Paige's filmography: the 2003 horror spoof Gory Gory Hallelujah. She appears at approximately the midpoint of the clip, playing a newlywed in the sack with her spouse. "I hope I didn't hurt you," her hubby says shyly. In response, she giggles and announces brightly, "Joshua -- I'm a whore!"

Clearly, the grass is Greener on her side of the fence. For proof, click "More" to watch the video. -- Michael Roberts

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Michael Roberts has written for Westword since October 1990, serving stints as music editor and media columnist. He currently covers everything from breaking news and politics to sports and stories that defy categorization.
Contact: Michael Roberts