The details of criminal cases are often grabbier than the basic facts -- literally so in the case of Lori Ann Waldo.
Reporting to date about her arrest for allegedly putting the squeeze on a bar employee's genitals missed what the victim says she planned to do with them, and him.
According to the arrest affidavit, on view below in its entirety, the Denver Police Department received a call from Teddy's Bar on Bannock Street at about 1:40 a.m. on October 15.
There, officers chatted with a staff member who said Waldo, 41, had hidden a drink of the alcoholic variety in her jacket and had tried to leave with it -- a definite no-no. The staffer responded by stopping Waldo and telling her to leave the drink behind.
This request prompted a verbal argument that climaxed, as it were, with Waldo announcing, "I wanna take you home and fuck your brains out."
Romantic? Probably not under even the best of circumstances. But any erotic possibilities ended when Waldo reportedly grabbed the man's equipment "without his consent" -- an important distinction!
A moment later, Waldo tried to walk away; presumably her interest in fornication and ejecting the man's gray matter from his skull had passed.
As for the bar worker, he managed to avoid crumbling into the fetal position after the testicles death grip, and was ambulatory enough to make an attempt at restraining her. His reward? He says she began repeatedly kneeing him in the leg -- a choice of location that could have been worse.
At that point, Waldo was taken to the ground and detained until the cops arrived. She was subsequently arrested on charges of assault and unlawful sexual contact.
Love is strange. Look below to see the full-size version of Waldo's booking photo, as well as the aforementioned affidavit.
Click here to follow and like the Michael Roberts/Westword Facebook page.
More from our Colorado Crimes archive: "Myrl Serra, ex-Western Slope DA, pleads guilty to unlawful sexual contact."
Keep Westword Free... Since we started Westword, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Denver, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Denver with no paywalls.