Rocky Mountain Values, a homegrown nonprofit originally formed to fight then-Senator Cory Gardner’s re-election bid in 2020, is on a three-city tour in Boebert’s 3rd Congressional District designed to highlight her “failed voting record on the issues [Coloradans] care about.” Specifically, the group points to Boebert voting against veterans' benefits, refusing to support the lowering of prescription costs, and supporting a plan that would gut Medicare and Social Security.
In the process, Rocky Mountain Values is also reminding CD3 constituents about their rep's unprofessionalism, particularly her decidedly-not-award-winning turn in the audience of the touring Broadway production of Beetlejuice at Denver’s Buell Theatre on September 10. She was ejected from the venue after being caught on camera vaping (and refusing to stop when a nearby pregnant woman asked her to do so) and engaging in some high school heavy petting with her date — and then lying about it for days before she was forced by the evidence to tell something approaching the truth.
As a reminder of Boebert’s terrible behavior — not to mention her terrible voting record — Rocky Mountain Values is setting up Beetlejuice-themed displays complete with candy giveaways. Three are planned for noon to 1 p.m. on Halloween, at Boebert’s district offices in Durango (835 East 2nd Avenue), Pueblo (503 North Main) and
Grand Junction (630 24 Road).
The student got us thinking about Boebert-themed Halloween costumes that her constituents might want to consider — you know, for the last couple of dress-up opportunities before Lauren Boebert is hopefully a weird and inexplicable part of Colorado political history. Here are a few ideas:
Lauren Boebert, the early days.
Combine a leopard-print sports bra and some acid-washed jeans with bleached-blond hair and a look that’s supposed to be sultry but seems
more confused and a little annoyed. Then make sure no one pays you to pose.
Failed Restaurateur
It’s your basic diner waitress costume, with the additions of a plastic pistol on your hip, a T-shirt (available at the restaurant gift shop and online, natch) that says “Shooters’ Grill,” and maybe a plate of tainted BBQ pork sliders.
Gun Mom
Put a baby doll in a sling-type carrier, and then wield as many firearms as it’s possible to carry while wearing a T-shirt that just says “Thoughts and Prayers.” Bonus points if the baby doll is similarly armed; can’t start them too young.
Gun Granny
Same costume as above, except also wearing a hat that says “World’s Most Accidental Grandma.”
Lauren Boebert and Marjorie Taylor Greene at the State of the Union.
A little black dress with a black satin shawl will be all you need for this costume, as long as you SHOUT EVERYTHING AND MAKE NO SENSE. Also great as a couple's costume: Get your partner to put on a red dress and a blond wig and clap while yelling similar things. Ah, statesmanship.
Social-Media-Obsessed Mental Teen
Lauren Boebert has a lot in common with your average thirteen-year-old: always on her phone, spouting out poorly considered nonsense meant to draw the spotlight, desperate for attention and denying that she wants it. (She also probably reads at a middle-school level, but that's only evidenced by her lack of formal education and not definitively proven.) So yeah: a costume in which she struts around and tries to look more mature while constantly on her phone? That's (embarrassingly) our Lauren.
Mileage Queen
Put on glasses and a dark wig, and turn a cardboard box into a makeshift SUV that you, too, can pretend to have driven almost 40,000 miles over a four-month period, collecting $22K in campaign "reimbursements." Here's a costume that will remind fellow voters that Boebert isn't just a know-nothing blathering extremist (something Fox likes to call a "firebrand")...she's also a political profiteer. Hey, politics pays better than slinging gun-themed flapjacks — or can, with the perfect balance of greed and lack of respect for the American public.
Lydia Deetz
Just a black heavy-bangs wig, a red wedding dress and a lot of eyeshadow. As much of a Beetlejuice fan as Boebert claims to be, this is a no-brainer. And no-brainers are generally her favorite things.
Trump Sycophant
It's just a red dress with "Let's Go Brandon" stenciled in white, creating a sort of disrespectful corona around your buttocks. This is a costume that screams: "You're just not MAGA enough unless you're wearing something petty and ignorant on your ass."
Unqualified Congressperson
This isn't a tough costume to put together: Lauren Boebert does it every day.
