I love CU-Boulder so much that I send most of my money there (for my daughters' tuition). But there's no doubt plenty of folks on the Interwebs feel differently. There are loads o' mean CU-Boulder jokes out there (on sites like this one and this one and this one), with consistent themes including pot, stupidity and the ineptitude of the football team. We've collected and photo-illustrated ten of the most memorable. Will they amuse you or piss you off? Depends on where you got that diploma. Number 10: Weed gets in the way Q: What do the University of Colorado and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!
Number 9: Bad hygiene explained An accountant, a lawyer, and a cowboy were standing side-by-side using the urinal. The accountant finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands... clear up to his elbows... he used about twenty paper towels before he finished. He turned to the other two men and commented, "I graduated from the University of Michigan, and they taught us to be clean."
The lawyer finished, zipped up and quickly wet the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented, "I graduated from the University of Colorado, and they taught us to be environmentally conscious."
The cowboy zipped up and as he was walking out the door said, "I graduated from the University of Nebraska, and they taught us not to piss on our hands."
Page down to see more of our ten mean CU-Boulder jokes. Number 8: Stock up on black and gold crayons. Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Colorado's football dorm that destroyed twenty books?
A: The real tragedy was that fifteen hadn't been colored yet.
Number 7: Law and order Q: If you have a car containing a Colorado Buffaloes wide receiver, a Colorado Buffaloes linebacker, and a Colorado Buffaloes defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.
Page down to see more of our ten mean CU-Boulder jokes. Number 6: Can't see the Forest for the trees Q: Why did Forrest Gump choose 'Bama over Colorado?
A: He wanted an academic challenge!
Number 5: Kid stuff Two buffalo were getting divorced. They were at a court hearing to decide who would get custody of their kid. After the judge came out of his chambers, he said, "After reviewing both of your cases, I have decided to grant custody to the mother."
Marijuana Deals Near You
The kid started whining and crying. The judge asked, "What's wrong?"
"My mother beats me," the kid said.
"Well, I guess I'll have to grant custody to the father then", the judge said.
The kid started whining and crying some more. The judge asked, "What's wrong now?"
The kid said, "My father beats me even more."
"Well, you don't want to live with your mother because she beats you and you don't want to live with your father because he beats you. Where do you want to live?" the judge asked.
"I wanna live with the Colorado Buffaloes, they don't beat anybody!"
Page down to see more of our ten mean CU-Boulder jokes. Number 4: Instructions included Q: Why do Colorado students have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!
Number 3: At least they're delicious Q: How do you make University of Colorado cookies?
A: Put them in a big bowl and beat for three hours.
Page down to see more of our ten mean CU-Boulder jokes. Number 2: Bar none A man walks into a bar in Boulder, Colorado and asks the bartender if he wants to hear a joke about how stupid the Colorado Football team is.
The bartender tells the man that he wouldn't mind hearing the joke but that he needs to point out a couple of people to him that are in the bar.
The bartender then points to a HUGE man seated at one end of the bar and explains that this guy was an All- American offensive lineman for Colorado last season.
The bartender then points out another HUGE man seated at a table near the bar and explains that he was a Colorado Linebacker a couple of years ago.
Then the bartender tells the man that he himself was a Quarterback for Colorado several years ago and that he had a baseball bat behind bar.
The bartender then asks the man if he still wanted to tell his joke and the man replied, "Heck no, I don't want to have to explain it three times!
We Believe Local Journalism is Critical to the Life of a City
Engaging with our readers is essential to Westword's mission. Make a financial contribution or sign up for a newsletter, and help us keep telling Denver's stories with no paywalls.
Support Our Journalism
Number 1: Kids study the darnedest things Q: What are the best four years of a Colorado Buffaloes' life?
A: Third grade.
More from our Lists & Weirdness archive: "Photos: F*ck yeah, Boulder! top ten tributes to the People's Republic."