Thanks to TLC's Toddlers & Tiaras, the semi-conscious portion of the population has gotten a glimpse into the totally bizarre world of children's beauty pageants since 2009. One episode of this program is more than the average person ever needs to witness, but thanks to The Today Show, we were reminded today that the parade of childhood depravity still exists. This week, a contestant grapples with the idea that other kids don't know who Dolly Parton is, and also that fake boobs on a preschooler are weird.
Mid-clip, lunatic stage mom actually says "I don't think the little girls in the pageant know who Dolly is." Pardon us, but no shit. Why would a four-year-old would have any concept of Dolly Parton? The better question is, why would a four-year-old ever wear fake boobs?
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The only sane individual in this nightmare senario seems to be the strange stylist guy -- who, while primping mini-Dolly's hair, says he's not a fan of the artificial cleavage. Though it is hard to take this Latisse-addicted gentleman seriously as a he sprays a child's wig with aerosol hairspray, he has a point. She looks just as cute without fake breasts. And the spandex one-piece. And the spray tan.