Videos: The Colbert Report's Ten Funniest Bits About Colorado

Stephen Colbert isn't going anywhere -- other than CBS, where he's been chosen to take over the Late Night franchise from David Letterman. But tonight, he's scheduled to broadcast his final episode of his signature show, The Colbert Report, on which he's given Colorado a lot of (hilarious) love over the years. We've collected our favorite posts, complete with ten videos and original text, in which Colbert has featured our fair state. Stories range from beer-bonging with Jared Polis to pepper-spraying an eight-year old -- not to mention all his "investigative" pieces about marijuana. Check them out below.

See also: Stephen Colbert Dubs Colorado "Potsylvania" in Hilarious "Reports," published in March

Jared Polis does beer bong with Stephen Colbert

Published August 8, 2009

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It's one of those TV moments when you're thinking, "He won't do that. He wouldn't possibly do that." And then he does it anyway!

Second District Congressman Jared Polis appeared on last night's episode of The Colbert Report in the show's first-ever "Even Better-er Know a District Segment" -- so named because Colbert had already introduced viewers to Colorado's "Fightin' Second" back in 2005, when Mark Udall represented the area. Following an introduction during which Colbert declares Boulder to be "the tea-bagging capital of America" (because of the Celestial Seasons HQ there, natch), Colbert and Polis engage in amusing give-and-take, with the host insisting that Polis called all gay people narcissistic and Polis countering that Colbert must be gay deep down, because he said it's easier to love something like yourself. But then, Colbert pulls a beer bong out of a bag, and before you know it, Polis is sucking down a Coors Light, the far right's favorite brand of suds, through a big plastic hose. Clear your desk, because your jaw's just about to land on it.

Peeps lawyer doesn't like Peeps, and other revelations from Stephen Colbert's latest Colbert Report investigation

Published April 1, 2010

Yesterday, we told you that attorney John Pineau -- who represents Carol "Chay" Burdick in a dispute that pits Peeps against possible eviction -- had agreed to speak to The Colbert Report's Stephen Colbert about a trial delay without commenting on the case itself. Our prediction: "Knowing Colbert, it'll wind up being hilarious anyhow."

Bingo. After a rebroadcast the show's original Peeps package, which debuted in September, Pineau offered no new insight because "I don't want to undermine the integrity of the proceedings and the trial, and for me to comment openly might bring disgrace to the proceedings, and I wouldn't want to do that" -- at which point a photo of Pineau was replaced with one of Gregory Peck as To Kill a Mockingbird's Atticus Finch, except with donkey ears (the type sprouted by bad boys in Pinocchio). Colbert subsequently asked, "If they made a Peep in your own likeness, would you eat yourself?," to which Pineau responded, "Actually, I don't like Peeps." Colbert countered, "So this is like a member of the Klan representing Rosa Parks?"

Seldom has a "no comment" been funnier. See the entire segment below:

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Continue for more of our favorite Colbert Report videos about Colorado. Stephen Colbert & Fox News' Gretchen Carlson on pepper-spraying 8-year-old (VIDEO)

Published April 27, 2011

Stephen Colbert's just getting around to a story we told you about over three weeks ago -- the decision of Lakewood cops to pepper-spray an eight-year-old.

But last night, Colbert made up for his tardiness with hilarity during a bit on view below dubbed "A Touch of Peppa" -- complete with a smiley face graphic that, upon getting spritzed, wailed, "My eyes!"

In the segment, Colbert describes pepper spray as "nature's face Taser" and argues that the agent is a perfectly acceptable parenting tool: "It's like a time-out for your child's vision and breathing." Then he leads into a clip of eight-year-old Aidan, who so terrified teachers with his violent actions and cries of "I will kill you motherfuckers!" that they barricaded themselves in a room until cops arrived.

That's followed by a conversation about the incident on Fox & Friends, with hostess Gretchen Carlson dismissing suggestions that the police went too far with comments like "100 percent pepper spray" and "It's called discipline" -- prompting Colbert to tout her new "book," Eat, Spray, Love.

The Aidan-Carlson footage gets rolling just shy of the five minute mark of the video, but do yourself a favor and watch the earlier stuff. It's damn funny, too.

Stephen Colbert reports: Rupert Murdoch angry enough to buy Colorado (VIDEO)

Published July 15, 2011

What's the scandal involving Rupert Murdoch's media empire got to do with Colorado? Plenty, according to none other than Stephen Colbert, whose report last night about the "five-time Illuminati Dark Lord of the Month" contained not one but two references to our fair state -- which, if Colbert's "sources" are correct, may soon become part of Murdoch's portfolio.

The first nod came following a segment about the London tabloid News of the World shutting down after reports that staffers had hacked the cell phone of a murdered thirteen-year-old, among many others. "How big a scandal is this?" Colbert asked. "So big that a paper going out of business is news."

A beat later, logos of shuttered dailies popped up -- most prominently that of the late, lamented Rocky Mountain News.

But Colbert was just warming up. After airing a clip of a Murdoch intimate suggesting that such violations of privacy and propriety demonstrated journalists' quest for the truth, Colbert played what he said were hacked voicemails featuring Rupert himself. On the recording, juxtaposed with a likeness of the Aussie mogul done up as Crocodile Dundee, "Murdoch" declared, "Goddamn it, I had to close the paper! I'm angrier than a bloomin' onion! When I'm angry, I want to buy stuff. See if Colorado is available."

Well, that'd be one way to take care of Denver's budget deficit. See the complete video below:

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Continue for more of our favorite Colbert Report videos about Colorado. Stephen Colbert reveals Denver Int'l Airport conspiracies -- and phallic symbols! (VIDEO)

Published December 6, 2011

Denver International Airport conspiracy theories just got a boost from one Stephen Colbert. Last night, as part of The Colbert Report's preview to 2012, and those Mayan prophecies that are supposed to spell our doom, he intoned the phrase, "When the end times come, the last words you hear may just be..."

Cut to perky greeter at DIA saying, "Welcome to Denver International Airport" -- and then turning into an evil succubus!

The DIA package also features guest appearances by Jesse Ventura, Alex Jones and the Fox31 team of Libby Weaver and Ron Zappolo. But the real star of the show is William Tapley, who calls himself both "Third Eagle of the Apocalypse" and "Co-Prophet of the End Times." Tapley warbles songs of catastrophe in between talking about all the phallic symbols visible on the Demonic Blue Mustang.

Not including his actual phallus, which he apparently overlooked. See the entire extravaganza below.

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Video: Stephen Colbert hypes debate as "the Up-ender in Denver!"

Published October 3, 2012

If University of Denver officials ever needs a hype man, they need look no further than Stephen Colbert, whose preview segment about tonight's debate at DU (it's on view below) would've put Flavor Flav to shame. With the DU debate logo behind him, he whipped up the crowd about "the Mile High Match-up, the Up-ender in Denver, the Thrilla between Chocolate and Vanilla."

Colbert also looked forward to challenger Mitt Romney's predicted use of zingers -- "because Americans need to know their leader has a well-honed sense of zing."

Damn straight! Here's the clip.

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Continue for more of our favorite Colbert Report videos about Colorado. Video: Stephen Colbert rips CU students who haven't signed up to live in "gun dorm"

Published December 3, 2012

From the "In case you missed it" file: On Thursday's hilarious "Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger" segment, viewable below, The Colbert Report's Stephen Colbert weighed in on the fact that no students have signed up to live in CU-Boulder housing that allows guns -- a story our Sam Levin first reported in August. Of course, Colbert is critical of this situation, reminding enrollees that college is "time to get crazy: do shots, take shots, get shot."

But a wag of the finger for Colbert's reference to "U of C students." It's CU, pal -- or CU later.

Here's the video. The CU guns item is the second in the clip.

Videos: The Daily Show, Colbert Report on Denver-Seattle marijuana Super Bowl

Published January 21, 2014

Shocking but true: The folks at Comedy Central's The Daily Show and The Colbert Report noticed that the Denver Broncos and the Seattle Seahawks, who'll face off in this year's Super Bowl, are from the two states that have legalized recreational marijuana sales. And on the show's most recent programs, the result was hilarity, with Jon Stewart fearing tragic consequences due to a possible Velveeta shortage and Stephen Colbert declaring that pot and football mix about as well as baseball and excitement. Take an extended hit from both of these clips below.

Continue for more of our favorite Colbert Report videos about Colorado. Videos: Stephen Colbert dubs Colorado "Potsylvania" in hilarious "reports"

Published March 14, 2014

The national media continues to be fascinated by Colorado cannabis, Stephen Colbert included. Last night, less than two months after his amusing tribute to the marijuana Super Bowl, he devoted the lion's share of his program to the subject via two segments: one exploring the scene in what he dubs "Potsylvania," the other digging into the offerings of ganjapreneurs who realize that Denver is both America's number one vacation spot and the place where photos most require software to remove red eyes. Check out both hilarious clips below.

Send your story tips to the author, Michael Roberts.