| Lists |

Denver Men with Heart auctions man-services: What services should they provide?

Keep Westword Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Denver and help keep the future of Westword free.

When the brave gentlemen of Denver Men with Heart get up on the podium tonight to have their "services" auctioned off to the highest bidder for the benefit of the Denver Center for Crime Victims, they'll already know what services they're going to provide. These men are florists, computer repairmen, guitar teachers. They're professionals.

But however nice it may be to have a guy fix your sink and put together a nice bouquet, that's not what you really want, is it? You may not find any man tonight who's auctioning these off, but here are the services these guys should be providing.

Will pretend to be sincerely interested when you take sides on conflicts in Keeping up with the Kardashians episodes he's never seen. "OMG," you will say. "Could you believe it when Kris was totally flirting with Storm? Right in front of Bruce, even?" "No," he will reply. "I could not believe it."
Will go to the store with you when you buy a pregnancy test You're a strong, empowered woman. You can do whatever you want, and you don't have to justify yourself to anyone. And yet... and yet it just kind of bugs you when that little shit at the register eyeballs you like that. You'd just feel better if you had a guy with you, alright? It's not your fault our society is still primitively clinging to an oppressive, outmoded values-system.
Will stop trying to solve your problems when you just want someone to understand You had a rough day at work. Your boss sucks, Jenny in accounting made several passive-aggressive remarks about your shoes and that creepy new VP kept looking at your boobs while you were making copies. That's just the way it is. There is no idea any dude, no matter how well meaning, could come up with to solve these problems. This guy will not try to solve them. He will just listen, really listen.
Will fold his laundry the first time you ask He may not actually have any laundry at your house, but if he did, he would definitely pick it up before you had to ask him again.
Will not go out looking like that Socks with sandals? He'd never even consider it.

Keep Westword Free... Since we started Westword, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Denver, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Denver with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the Westword community and help support independent local journalism in Denver.


Join the Westword community and help support independent local journalism in Denver.