I have a new bar to add to my list of favorites, and I owe it all to my favorite Scotswoman, Julie Docherty. It’s somewhat surprising that I remember her or the Streets of London Pub (1501 East Colfax Avenue) at all, because several members of the Institute of Drinking…

As a member of a very Irish and Catholic family, I look forward to St. Patrick’s Day as much as I do Christmas. Since I first convinced someone to buy me beer, I’ve tied one on every March 17. In the beginning, I thought that drinking green beer was a…

Sometimes things happen that you just can’t explain. American Idol is a success, and William Hung and other contestants have never taken Simon out back so they can fill all of his bodily orifices with concrete. Latrell Sprewell hasn’t gotten a massive federal grant to feed his family. And men…

Although every person from sun-intensive states like Texas or Florida thinks he not only knows how to drive in the snow, but knows how to ski without putting the rest of the people on the mountain at risk of life and limb, we all can use an occasional winter-survival refresher…

As all good Catholics know — as do those who are not good, but are well-versed in church law after spending several years finding loopholes in it — there is still plenty of time to give up something for Lent. For people who are neither good nor bad Catholics, Lent…

Sorry, ladies, but we guys can’t help how we are. We can’t help it that the outfit we wore on that first date doesn’t hold a prominent place in our brains. We have an inexplicable ability to watch four sporting events at one time, yet still cannot remember your birthday…

Do you believe in miracles? The continued marketing of Zima and of Aspen low-carb “beer” certainly qualify. So does having a clear conscience after excusing four nights of drinking on the pretext that “I haven’t seen so-and-so for a long time.” That the suspiciously close relationship of SpongeBob SquarePants and…

Patrick Lawler should be awarded the Nobel Prize for medicine. For those of you who live in a cellar or are purists who won’t watch anything on a TV smaller than 42 inches, Mr. Lawler is the gentleman who proved to the world that hangovers are caused by huge nails…

There’s no doubt in my mind that God created beer. How else can you explain many of the world’s greatest accomplishments? Without beer, we wouldn’t have professional sports, much less overlapping schedules that allow us to watch the World Series and college football on the same day. Without beer, there…

Every once in a while you find yourself sitting on your couch at nine at night with a couple of guys, and you realize that you’re all too drunk to do much besides sit on a couch — but you can’t stay there any longer because the football game’s over…

I never liked CHiPs, the cop show with Erik Estrada and that dumb blond guy. As you may recall, it featured high-speed chases, spectacular motorcycle crashes, spectacular California women and Estrada’s blinding smile, starring his impossibly large white teeth. Ever since the TV networks have moved on to more grisly…

Sometimes just a small, evil influence can tip a night over to the Dark Side. And while the Dark Side may appear more powerful, a bar will not hesitate to throw Darth Vader — or anyone associated with him — out of the place at the drop of a hat…

For the record, I want to state that Vail Resorts’ big loss in its first quarter had nothing to do with my being there a few weeks ago. In fact, I’m pretty sure that had the Head of Drinking Regrets and I visited a few days earlier, Vail would have…

Thank God there’s just over a week left until Christmas. The spirit has been beaten out of me by all the forced cheer on television and KOSI 101, in print ads and Internet pop-ups, at the Department of Commerce and even in my own holiday traditions. Don’t get me wrong:…

It’s that time of year when people walk around with a fearful look in their eyes, knowing they have only fifteen shopping days left until Christmas, will go to hell if they don’t get everyone the perfect gift and, worse, will never have sex again if they fail to find…

Now, at 96 hours post-drunk, we have located the missing members of the Institute of Drinking Studies and pieced together most of what happened the other night. It started with the Head of Drinking Regrets and myself planning a simple evening of movies and sports on TV, with maybe a…

We here at the Institute of Drinking Studies are always looking for new watering holes to grace with our presence, our stunted sense of “humor” and the inevitable sexual advances of certain members whom I would not trust alone in a room with Sister Inviolata of the Painfully Chaste. Since…

Things just aren’t the same anymore. I think it’s the fault of the Democrats. Or maybe the Republicans, the Catholic Church, the Air Force Academy, carbs, your parents, fraternities and football (but not any members of frats or football teams, much less the coaches, athletic-department heads, regents or university presidents…

Turning thirty is a mother. All of a sudden your body is falling apart before your eyes; if things continue to progress at this pace, you’ll be in a nursing home within five years. For women, gravity gets stronger, and things start to droop. Although science tells us that body…

“C’mon, let’s go to Willie’s! It’s Stripper Tuesday!” “Uh, dude, it’s Wednesday.” “Whatever.” Even as the Head of Drinking Regrets and I were having this conversation, other members of the Institute of Drinking Studies were well into their research, having gotten a call earlier from the Head of Sleeper Drunks…

I recently went to the happiest place on Earth — and no, I don’t mean Disneyland, which calls itself “The Happiest Place on Earth” because it has bathrooms cleaner than yours will ever be and employees who are happier than you’ll ever be. True, I have extremely fond memories of…

There’s nothing like a bad case of hiccups to ruin an otherwise enjoyable evening of greasy food and excellent drink. I’m talking about hiccups that rip through your body like a seizure, giving you a near-fatal case of whiplash and leaving the taste of bile in the back of your…