Lists

Eight Resolutions for Denver in 2019

This is the third year in a row that we've offered Denver some resolution ideas, and looking over our pasts lists, we've noticed that the more things change, the more they stay the same. We could rail on again about affordable housing, but we’ll spare you that.

So here are some brand-spanking-new resolutions for the Queen City of the Plains, just in time for 2019. Here’s to better times ahead, Denver, with hopes that are a mile high.

click to enlarge That's Chipotle, riding off into the sunset. - MIKE MOZART AT FLICKR
That's Chipotle, riding off into the sunset.
Mike Mozart at Flickr
1. Put Chipotle Behind Us
We are not loyal to those who are not loyal to us. So goodbye, Chipotle. We had a good run…until you up and moved your headquarters to California. Now you’re out there, forgetting your Colorado roots, hopped up on sunscreen fumes and sea-level oxygen. We'll miss your cilantro lime rice and the juicy carnitas and…no. Forget it. We won’t even talk about you and your deliciousness anymore. Good luck out on the coast, where naked burrito bowls like you are a dime a dozen. Hey, Illegal Pete’s: You’re looking extra-spicy these days.

click to enlarge Probably not gonna happen in the shade of the purple mountains' majesty. - DEPARTMENT FOR DIGITAL CULTURE, MEDIA, AND SPORT AT FLICKR
Probably not gonna happen in the shade of the purple mountains' majesty.
Department for Digital Culture, Media, and Sport at Flickr
2. Abandon the Olympics Once and for All
Now that we’re out of the running to host the Winter Olympics again…let’s stay out of the running for good. The Olympics are great, and with all the training facilities in the state, Colorado will always have a strong connection to the Games. But hosting? Let’s stop pretending that’s going to — or even should — happen.


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Teague Bohlen is a writer, novelist and professor at the University of Colorado Denver. His first novel, The Pull of the Earth, won the Colorado Book Award for Literary Fiction in 2007; his textbook The Snarktastic Guide to College Success came out in 2014. His new collection of flash fiction, Flatland, is available now.
Contact: Teague Bohlen