Top five things Miley Cyrus has destroyed
It's clear that Miley Cyrus has contributed to the moneymaking machine that is Hollywood since Hannah Montana debuted in 2006. But how does that affect you? If you feel dirty while watching a stripper slide down a pole or feel awkward when you give your dad a hug, you can blame Miley. She's messed us all up in oh-so-many strange ways.
Disney has been destroying families' dreams and morals for years, but now we have Miley in the mix. Although watching Miley or any screwed-up celebrity go down the Lohan path is fun, her antics are beginning to creep into our daily lives and affect our happiness. She must be stopped.
5. Family Photos In the 2008 Annie Leibovitz photo shoot for Vanity Fair, Miley took it all off, sported a sheet and...posed with her dad? The photo shoot wasn't that scandalous (she kind of looks like she is about to do the walk of shame), but it caused quite the uproar from conservative parenting groups claiming the photos were inappropriate and slutty. The half-naked photo wasn't the worst, though: The one that was most disturbing was the photo with Billy Ray. It seems a little abnormal that a teenage girl spends that much time that close to her dad's crotch.
4. Family Miley Cyrus has caused heartache and problems for millions of American girls all over America, but now she's also destroying her own family as well. Miley's been a busy girl breaking up her family unit as of late; she apparently introduced her mom, Tish Cyrus, to Bret Michaels, and their illicit affair allegedly is what propelled the marriage into a downward spiral. Miley's dad, Billy Ray, recently admitted that Hannah Montana destroyed the family. His grief and angst is so massive that now Billy believes Satan is attacking his family. "Satan" is clearly code for the loss of a Disney paycheck.
Hear that? It's the sound of salvia shop owners across Amercia putting their palms on their faces.
3. Smoking Salvia Smoking is cool, and every single time one of these pop harlots takes a toke, it ruins the exquisite pastime for the rest of us. Salvia, although legal in California, is apparently illegal to Hannah/Miley fans. After outrage over video of her tripping out and toking on a water bong surfaced, Miley apologized and assured overly protective parents around the globe that she is still a good role model. Unfortunately, she caused teens around the world to find new hiding places for their "herbs."
There's no escape from Breakout.
2. Music Eight albums and the only thing record-breaking about any of the songs is that they absolutely destroyed tweens' and teens' sense of what music really is. Her latest album, the fittingly titled Can't Be Tamed, received horrible reviews and debuted at number eight on Billboard. Out of all the heartbreaking, appalling songs on her albums, only one, "Party in the U.S.A.," sold a reasonable amount, and even that isn't that impressive, considering the machine that is Disney. The songs are wicked synthesized and so processed that "fans" don't even know what Miley/Hannah really sounds like. It's a rollercoaster of Disney propaganda, and most parents buying the albums are just along for the ride.
One of the greatest American pasttimes -- watching strippers -- has been ruined.
1. Stripping 2009 Teen Choice Awards, a pole and a Disney skank. YAY! It's not just disturbing to watch a teenager grinding a pole at a kid-focused show, but when that teen can't do it properly? It really ruins the art form for everyone. Miley grinding her undeveloped body into a faux stripper pole was not sexy. For most men that were forced by their kids to watch the awards show, it must have been like watching their little girl up there dropping it low for a dollar. Miley didn't just hurt Disney with that performance, she hurt strip clubs all over America. And nobody likes an angry stripper.
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