Denver Aquarium mermaids tragically attacked by plastic sharks, dolphins, orange caiman

Last week, the

Denver Aquarium

started a mermaid show in one of its tanks -- a concept that is both strange and endearingly campy.

Reminiscent of the mermaid shows that have been going on in Weeki Wachee Springs, Florida, for decades, the show has mermaids smiling and swimming, dancing to music and kissing giant fish and turtles. There are mermaid parties. There are mermaid souvenirs.

At least, we think there are.

The aquarium -- owned by Texas-based Landry's Restaurants -- wouldn't grant Westword an interview. And since a spokeswoman for the chain said the denial had nothing to do with Joel Warner's "biting" 1998 piranha expose and its resolution, we can only assume the reasons are more terrifying.

Either the mermaids are REAL, or they were eaten in a terrible accident and are being served up, like the rest of the aquarium's stock, in the on-site restaurant.

Okay, that's a joke. OR IS IT! Mermaid nuggets sound mighty tasty, don't they?

Anyway, the Mystic Mermaids show will supposedly take place every day from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. through August 22. Guests can even swim with the mermaids, although we wouldn't recommend that since they are just going to be eaten by sharks, anyway.

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