Project Runway: Sweet Merciful Crap

Just when it seemed like Project Runway could not possibly stage a more boring challenge, they go for something that positively screams “average.” Yes, yes, I do think that it was a great idea to make the designers create a new look for their plain-Jane models who had recently lost a lot of weight but why, oh, why did they make them create this new look out of the hideous clothing that used to function as each women’s favorite outfit?

It’s sad but it’s true — haute couture fashion doesn’t often run in a size 22W. These women have been trapped in a boring wardrobe forever and the team of remaining designers could have dreamed up some super cute looks for the hot new bods these women now have. But, alas, we had to watch as each woman brought out her favorite “before” outfit so that the designers could remake it.

I watched in horror as each of the poor models described her old look. Polyester abounded, as did floral prints and garish colors. “Death on a stick” is how poor, ill-fated designer Steven described it — and boy was he right.

Almost all of the looks produced were just horrible. Chris (yes, he’s back and yes, we’re thrilled but no, he doesn’t seem to be designing any better) created a look that reminded Michael Kors of “Paris hooker with a heart of gold” while Steven, bless his heart, was totally screwed from the moment he was assigned his model.

Sweet, sweet Steven — you are full of funny, softly spoken one-liners, but everyone knew you were not up to the challenge of taking on a giant polyester wedding dress. But my god, man, even I could not have imagined the horrors you would subject your model to! How did an 80s wedding dress turn into a black funeral/French maid look? It was bad, and you don’t even have to take my word for it — simply check out this week’s installment of rate the runway on Bravo.com.

What will the next episode bring? I’m almost afraid to find out…

-- Aubrey Shoe