If Mitt Romney wins tonight in the primaries, he'll be one step closer to earning the Republican nomination to run against incumbent president Barack Obama. Romney has a ton of money, an impeccable head of hair and a hustler's spirit. While everybody's all worried about the economy this and recession that, we're focused on more important matters -- namely, what's on Mitt's iPod?
10. The Humpty Dance - Digital Underground
There's no reason not to believe Mitt Romney isn't somewhere pumping this joint at sky-high volumes with an ill dip in his hip screaming the lyrics, "Yo, ladies, oh, how I like to hump thee/And all the rappers in the top ten, please allow me to bump thee."
9. 99 Problems - Jay-Z
If Romney is going to beat Barack Obama, he'd better start counting not only his problems, but his prayers. Obama assassinated a world terrorist, called Kanye West a "jackass" and generally walks around like a gangster. If anything can buck up Romney's self-esteem, it's this Rick Rubin-produced track.
8. "Don't Stop Believing" - Journey
Regardless of what we think of the guy, he's doing very well in his run for presidency this time around. He never stopped believing, and from the looks of it, he'll never stop believing. Mitt Romney has enough money to believe forever. Hell, he can buy your belief if he wants to.
7. "Party All the Time" - Eddie Murphy
Not only do we think this song on Romney's iPod, but if and when he wins the Republican nomination, we're fully expecting him to do the mother of all victory dances to this one.
6. "Lollipop" - Lil Wayne
Somebody get Romney Auto-Tuned already! Straight up, we can just imagine Mitt getting down to this joint: "Shawty want a thug/Bottles in the club." The possibilities are just endless. Besides, every presidential candidate needs a sex anthem.
5. "Sweet Child of Mine" - Guns N' Roses
This song is on everyone's iPod. Don't act like it's not. Mitt Romney is just like you. Just. Like. You.
4. "My Heart Will Go On" - Celine Dion
This is left over from the failed bid from last term. When it's too painful to rehash but too prominent to ignore, Celine saves Romney's day. Again and again.
3. "The Bitch in Yoo" - Common
Having heard about the Drake/Common beef on the campaign trail, Mitt, ever the astute investigator, decided to do some research of his own into Common's bulletproof feud persona. We suspect he's taking pointers.
Resale Concert Tickets
Colorado Symphony Orchestra: Christopher Dragon - A Tribute to Arthur Fiedler
Saturday, Jan. 18, 2020 / 7:30pm @ Boettcher Concert Hall 1245 Champa Street Denver CO 802041245 Champa Street, Denver CO 80204
2. "Smells Like Teen Spirit" - Nirvana
Deep down, Mitt wanted to be a punk-rock kid, but no bad-ass punk-rock kids are named Mitt, are they? Anyhow, this is self-indulgence at its finest. Oooh, and the thought of that perfect hair banging back and forth to the beat? Amazing.
1. "Shame on a Nigga" - Wu-Tang Clan
Mitt Romney is buckwild with the trigger, son. He'll "fuck yo ass up!" He's that dude to watch. He'll blow up your whole country, yo! And don't you forget it. George Bush ain't got shit on Mitt! Most likely found under the playlist "Motivation," this track suggests Mitt Romney ain't nothing to fuck with.
We Believe Local Journalism is Critical to the Life of a City
Engaging with our readers is essential to Westword's mission. Make a financial contribution or sign up for a newsletter, and help us keep telling Denver's stories with no paywalls.
Support Our Journalism
Follow Backbeat on Twitter: @westword_music