Marijuana Strain Review: Sugar Punch at Caregivers for Life

Although it seems like every dispensary in Denver sits on South Broadway, off I-70 or in another slightly rugged area, shops in some of the wealthier neighborhoods actually sell weed, too. Yes, even yuppies need their pot — and believe it or not, the Prius-driving mom of two can re-up on both running shoes and ganja in Cherry Creek without even having to find a new parking spot, because Caregivers for Life, at 310 St. Paul Street, is within convenient walking distance of Nordstrom.

Still, unless I’m paying $15 for a plate of sesame chicken at Little Ollie’s, I normally avoid the Cherry Creek area — so when I headed there to check out Caregivers, I was hoping that the bud bar wasn’t gilded and overpriced like so many businesses in the area.

Although each jar I saw was full of large, dense buds, the shop’s strain lineup was pretty underwhelming. Everything from Bubba Kush to Green Crack had the same generic, cheesy funk that didn’t correlate to its name. The lone strain that stood out, Sugar Punch, was a frosted shade of violet that almost made me forget that it, too, smelled like an old cardboard box. Giving it points for looking different, I purchased a gram for $18.18 after tax.

A sativa-dominant hybrid of Super Silver Haze and The One (a hybrid of landraces Afghani and Thai), Sugar Punch is known for berry and bubblegum flavors with tangy citrus overtones. Unfortunately, this specimen was pretty tame: A few strong pinches that almost broke my buds apart released subtle notes of grape with a spicy kick at the end, probably from Haze genetics. The purple, sugarcoated nugs with peach pistils were strikingly beautiful, though, making me wish I had a better camera with which to do my cute li’l buds justice. Then again, I’ve had boring sex with beautiful women before, and I was scared that Sugar Punch would fall into a similar category.

A joint before my weekly dinner-cooking duties tasted bland and flavorless, as I’d feared, but the flower burned smoothly and was easy to tackle by myself. I didn’t feel much at first and prepared the buffalo burgers disappointingly sober, but a hazy head high crept into my skull about ten minutes later. The sativa effects were mellow but not tiring, making me high enough to overthink how much salt and pepper to use on the burgers but not high enough to forget them on the grill — which I’ve been known to do. While the Sugar Punch helped nurture my appetite, the high left pretty quickly, with no indica comedown.

Despite looking like a top-shelf strain and being priced as such, Caregivers for Life’s Sugar Punch smelled like shake and smoked like a $10 gram. Unless the shop’s prices or potency change, I won’t be marking Cherry Creek on my stoner map anytime soon.

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