Hard Hitters: Seven Strains to Help You Watch Baseball

Pairing America's pastime with the government's least-favorite plant just seems right in 2021.
Pairing America's pastime with the government's least-favorite plant just seems right in 2021. iStock/smileitsmccheeze
Nothing against the boys on Blake Street, but this city will always be known more for Broncos, craft beer and blunts than peanuts and Cracker Jack. But who says they can't all get along?

Baseball is increasingly being passed over for basketball, soccer and dadgum video games by younger generations. These young shitheads wouldn't know a sac fly from a sac bunt, but tell them you have a sack of chronic, and they might be game to learn. To get your younger, woke (but still over 21) friends to shut the fuck up and enjoy the dusty, robotic classic that is baseball, give them a puff of one of these strains we've reviewed. They all hit for power.

My first bowl of Oreoz felt like a dab, and my eighth lasted a few days longer than usual. Such power can knock anyone out, but taking it slower with Oreoz made me more calm than tired. Smoking one bowl over the course of 25 minutes after work and exercise kept me loose and free of stress without draining my wit, and if I wanted to fall asleep early, two or three bowls always did the trick. Oreoz's potency almost guarantees a trip to the moon or couch on your first try, but treating the strain more like hash makes the journey more manageable.

Blue Cheese
A small amount of users report more of an uplifted and creative experience, but virtually no one feels more energy after smoking Blue Cheese. My nerves and mental stress are calmed minutes into a session, and the muscle relaxation and hunger hit shortly after. I've stayed awake through Blue Cheese highs, but am rarely better because of it, so give into the nap when it comes. The flavor isn't as creamy as the first cheesy wave that hits your nose, but it still packs a funky punch, effectively cutting into the sweet berry flavors. Although spicy, earthy notes take a back seat in the smell, they're more assertive on the tastebuds.
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Blue Cheese is making a comeback in Colorado.
Herbert Fuego
Chem #4
Although sedating, Chem #4's physical effects take a while to sink in, with the high's relaxation slow-cooking my brain before slowly oozing down the rest of my body. My curiosity is always initially stoked after bouts with Chem #4, but my focus and intellect are way too burnt to get far with it. Throw on a stupid movie, plug in the Nintendo, or try and fail to read a book under a tree. You'll be surprised at how fulfilling it is.

Peanut Butter Breath
Don't expect to take over the world after smoking Peanut Butter Breath, but the strain's affable, stress-killing high leaves enough energy and wit to take on a surprise mission if needed. One joint to yourself is great for relaxing after work, while sharing one leaves enough mental room to hang with a few friends or have a one-on-one conversation, as long as food is involved. Peanut Butter Breath made me a bottomless pit, and I'm not the only one. Eat before a session or your pantry is next.

Like most Cookies strains, Do-Si-Dos has a high potency that can be debilitating to the overzealous or uninitiated, so toke wisely. If you’re prepared for relaxation, however, this is one smooth, comfortable ride. The potent indica has that face-melting quality we’ve grown to love with Cookies strains, but its calming effect on the body and lack of anxious side effects makes for a tasty stress reliever.
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Layer Cake
Herbert Fuego
Layer Cake
Just like ogres and onions, this high is layered, beginning with an intense elation that quickly fades into a functional (albeit slightly slower-moving) body high that keeps me relatively free of pain and completely free of stress. Layer Cake's calming effects and consistent pain relief are both good reasons for me to return to it for future happy hour and evening grill sessions, keeping me high-flying and sociable.

Granola Funk
Like most of the strains bred from Girl Scout Cookies, Granola Funk has a heavy THC presence (upwards of 30 percent in some cuts) that can be too much for the lightweight or inexperienced. Pairing it with Wookie, a cross of Lavender and Appalachia strains known for floral and citrus flavors, keeps the potency but enhances the Cookies flavor profile, creating a creamy, tart flavor that reminds users of their favorite childhood breakfast cereal as they zone out to whatever’s on the radio.
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Herbert Fuego is the resident stoner at Westword, ready to answer all your marijuana questions.
Contact: Herbert Fuego