Among the most unfortunate developments of the Internet Age is the Sports Team Tribute Song, wherein a musically disinclined fan -- often a wannabe rapper with a fondness for the letter "z" -- posts a song on YouTube about the awesomeness of his favorite sports team.
Assuming, for the sake of this article's flimsy construction, that the team with the most (and most ridiculous) tribute songs will win the Super Bowl, here's a video-aided breakdown of how the playoffs will unfold from here through the Super Bowl.
Vikings Song: "The Percy Harvin Song - Minnesota Vikings (crank dat remix) " Key lyric: "Percy Harvin is no joke, he can run and he can catch."
Saints Song: "Bring Em to the Dome," by Dee-1 and Shamarr Allen Key lyric: "Mama you a Saints fan? You know I'm a Saints fan/Old Man you a Saints fan? Boy I been a Saints fan"
Winner: Saints.
Jets song:"New York Jets J-E-T-S Lose Again Song," by Moonpies Key Lyric: "Empty gameplan empty fan base empty trophy case"
Colts song: "Let's Get It," by Chief Stockton Key lyric: "It's like we're destined to be the next greatest destiny."
Winner: The Jets song, while lovably pathetic, is more suicide note than tribute song, so: The Colts.
Saints song: "Who Dat," by Baby Boy Prince Key lyric: New Orleans Saints are number one on the field/ "Katrina or the refs can't stop us this year"
Colts song: "Now Stomp Let's Stomp" Key lyric: "Our quarterback will see the lanes, first and ten he'll move the chains"
Winner: The Colts. Because if we didn't choose the Colts, we wouldn't have an excuse to show you ...
Colts song: "We Are The Colts," by the Faber Boys Key lyric: "What's a gameplan when you play the best? Check the scoreboard, this is not a test."
