Dear Stoner: Can I Microwave My Pot Plants?

Dear Stoner: I see these scam ads on Craigslist that rip off folks just looking for a little relief. It used to be just regular face-to-face local delivery, but now it’s a constant scam pretending that they’ll ship products out of state. Does any police department ever track down these scammers?
Got the T-Shirt

Dear T-Shirt: There are simply too many scams on Craigslist for local law enforcement to go after everyone, especially if those scammers aren’t on a computer anywhere near Colorado. People get duped by deals on fake used cars, rental-home deposits, entertainment tickets and damn near every other product that can be bought, sold or traded secondhand — and marijuana is no different.

Police have been tracking down and arresting dipshits who sell pot on Craigslist for years, but the scams you’re referring to are likely a bunch of degenerates in different parts of the world that put ads up in other Craigslist markets and on different websites. Shoot, even Westword’s Facebook page gets a couple “WE HAVE THE BEST BUDZ AND SEEDZ IN THE WORLD. CLICK HERE” comments that we delete as soon as we see them. There are no budz or seedz, because all those web pages and links do is steal your money and information, and they usually fill your computer with spam, too. The problem with tracking down pot scammers is that those who do get scammed can’t exactly report it to the cops: “Excuse me, 911? I sent some random guy $100 for a half-ounce of chronic and I have yet to see my buds…. Hello?”

Dear Stoner: When I got into growing, we couldn’t wait to smoke our buds after harvest, so we clipped the tops and microwaved them to speed it up. Is this not a viable way to dry/cure today’s plants?
Gary G.

Dear Gary: I don’t think it was ever a viable way if you wanted good-smelling, tasty buds. Some of the best pot shops in Denver dry/cure their flower for months at a time (a week or two is good enough for amateurs) to maximize the potency of the terpenes and oils that give strains their distinct flavors.
Throwing your pot into the microwave wouldn’t allow any of those to build, so the taste and bud structure would immediately be subpar, if not awful.

High heat for extended amounts of time also kills THC, so cooking an eighth on 800 watts for a minute would suck out a lot of mojo. It’s your weed, so do what you want. But it seems like a waste to spend three months growing something and then destroy its quality because you can’t wait an extra two weeks.