They can't love you back: 15 love songs about inanimate objects

It's Valentine's Day, which means the entire Internet is abuzz with songs about love -- or, if people are feeling particularly sad, songs about hate. But what about those who prefer to spread their affection to other things, like inanimate objects? Well, there are plenty of those songs, too. If you'd prefer to highlight your adoration for the non-living, we've got you covered today. Remember: It's only a crime if you get caught.

15. Ernie - "Rubber Ducky"

Probably the most recognized and classic love song about an inanimate object, this song sets the precedent from a very early age that you don't need other people to have fun.

14. Danni Minogue - "Vibe On"

It's kind of creepy how many similarities between "Vibe On" and "Rubber Ducky" there are. Who needs a rubber ducky, though, when you have a vibrator? Just remember to change up from fast to slow, so you can get the frequency you like.

13. Belle & Sebastian - "I Love My Car"

There were hundreds of thousands of love songs about cars to choose from here, but we decided to go with this Belle & Sebastian ditty, because it's so goddamn adorable, it's impossible not to love.

12. Roxy Music - "In Every Dream Home a Heartache"

Not only is this one of our favorite Roxy Music songs, it's also a song primarily about a man's love of an inflatable doll. And it features one of the greatest lyrics in rock history: "I blew up your body/but you blew my mind."

11. Black Sabbath - "Sweet Leaf"

Uh, it's a love song about weed. Do we really need to say any more? It's not the only one on the list, either.

Sponsor Content


All-access pass to the top stories, events and offers around town.

  • Top Stories


All-access pass to top stories, events and offers around town.

Sign Up >

No Thanks!

Remind Me Later >