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In honor of sliced bread's 83rd anniversary, the ten greatest things since

The year was 1928. It was a time of great prosperity, of that weird dance where people put their hands on their knees and cross them together and of crazy machines that did all sorts of wacky things, like, you know, slice bread. A machine for slicing bread, in fact, had been in prototype since around 1912, but it wasn't until this exact day 83 years ago that the first loaf of apparatus-dissected bread rolled off the assembly line in Chillicothe, Missouri, thus revolutionizing the way America ate and in the process making Chillocothe, Missouri notable in some way. But there have been many great things since.

And so, on this 83rd anniversary of that great and storied day, we've applied extremely scientific methods to our extensive search for the ten greatest things since sliced bread. Also, by "extremely scientific methods" we mean "a Google search of the term 'the greatest thing since sliced bread.'" Here's what we found:

  • MySpace
  • Extended car warranties
  • Your dad
  • The novel "The Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread," by Don Robertson
  • Local church aid after natural disasters
  • The WWE's Zack Ryder
  • No-till planting
  • Unions
  • "Moves Like Jagger"
  • Fracking
  • So there you go. Apparently, sliced bread wasn't so damn great, after all.

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