Visits to Grandma's house (not the brewery on South Broadway, but the home of my actual grandmother) typically brought food, television and card games of past decades out from their crypts. I love casseroles and Tinkertoys, and always felt like I'd traveled back to 1968 as I indulged myself in either over a shag rug while The Monkees or The Banana Splits played on TV.
In fact,The Banana Splits probably outed me as a stoner before I even knew it. I'm sure my parents were raising their eyebrows as I chuckled at the psychedelic costumes, music and animation from the same guys behind a show called H.R. Pufnstuf.
Come to find out, an awesomely weird, R-rated Banana Splits horror movie was made in 2019, so my plans for a recent weekend were easy. All I needed to bring them full circle was a stinky eighth of Banana Split, one of my favorite new strains.
I was never a fan of banana splits as a dessert, since they lacked a desirable texture and were usually covered in fake syrups. But the strain, a hybrid of Tangie and Banana Sherbet, trends much more fruity and sour, packing intense aromas of citrus and melon that are sweeter than the savory, custard notes of a banana. Unless I'm missing something in between the fruit salad and final notes of pine and rubber in Banana Split, those creamy banana characteristics never take hold — and I'm totally fine with that. Bananas are overrated.
Such sharp, fruity flavors usually mean I'm in for an active high, but this strain supplied quite the opposite, sparking my mind but canceling all bodily motivation. After smoking a physically tranquilizing joint of Banana Split that tasted nothing like bananas and watching the characters of my favorite ’60s variety show kill people with lollipops, I realized these two odd interpretations were made for each other.
We've spotted Banana Split at Buddy Boy, Diego Pellicer, EverBloom, Fox Cannabis, Northern Lights Cannabis Co., Standing Akimbo and Wolf Pac Cannabis, with Fox's cut making the rounds as a wholesale strain, as well.
Looks: Banana Split likes to grow compact, oblong and mitten-shaped buds, with segmented calyxes that look like small mossy pebbles on a stick. Deep forest-green and violet colors almost make you miss the solid coat of trichomes, because the resin glands are so small.
Smell: Much more sherbet than ice cream (rainbow sherbet, at that), Banana Split kicks through the door with sharp, sugary scents of honeydew melon, mandarin oranges and a zesty lemon-peel back end, with faint, lingering smells of diesel and pine.
Flavor: That fruit-smoothie flavor doesn't take a back seat, with a basket of oranges, limes and melons pouring out of each hit before hints of pine and rubber quietly vy for attention in the aftertaste.
Effects: Although slightly disorienting and draining of focus, Banana Split obliterated daily anxiety while ramping up my curiosity, making me read ten pages of a book one second and then reorganize half of my closet the next. Despite the active head high, my limbs were noncommittal for hours, and I was much lazier than I'd hoped during the late afternoon. Take the strain's dessert moniker to heart and save it for nighttime.
Home grower's take: "Had a friend pop a few beans of Banana Split and share some leaf cuttings with me. Mine were more dense and took about a week longer to fully ripen before his, but they smelled and smoked similar. Very sweet and sour, like a fruit smoothie, with big ol' purple buds. Not very hard to grow, but the buds and stalks like to keep growing, so you'd probably want to train them before they get too tall. I truly believe in flushing, and didn't cut mine down for ten weeks to make sure all the nutrients were gone because of how big the buds got."
Is there a strain you'd like to see profiled? Email firstname.lastname@example.org.
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