My mother always told me that junk food would make me fat and lazy, and after years of Ben & Jerry's, Sprite and Pringles, she's still only half right. If I don't lay off the Funyunz, though, I'll probably be on The Biggest Loser
I'm not talking about Funyuns, the onion-flavored corn rings that help us pass the time as we wait for an oil change. I'm talking about Funyunz, the mix of GMO
and Sunset Sherbet
that puts me to sleep faster than a tenth-grade teacher's geometry lecture. Anything capable of that is worthy of one-hitter status, and Funyunz has my nomination.
Most people think of a one-hitter strain as something extremely potent that gets us so high, we only need one hit to get lifted. Funyunz, noticeably strong on the lungs and eyes, doesn't bring the same dab-like bong rips that GMO and other widely labeled one-hitters do, but the result is the same. A Funyunz session is guaranteed to put me to sleep, but the high still allows enough coherency for an episode or two in bed before I can no longer lift my eyes. That's an extremely desirable trait for the toker who waits until 8 p.m. for their single session of the day, but make sure to have a different strain for daytime use.
I had the misfortune of mistaking Funyunz' gassy, funky flavor profile for a good afternoon smoke, which immediately ended all of my plans. Standing turns into sitting inside of an hour after smoking Funyunz, and sitting quickly turns into lying down. If you use Funyunz for anything other than a sedative or midnight snack, be prepared to struggle and yawn until a pillow is secured.
Funyunz buds are squatty and short with above-average density, and often turn a deep shade of violet. The triangular-shaped nugs tend to look brighter than they really are, thanks to a thick coat of trichomes.
A thick, savory smell of fried garlic and onion powder goes toe to toe with dank, earthy notes and a strong, gassy back end. Any sweet, fruity hints from Sunset Sherbet are virtually absent, but fans of GMO or other garlic-heavy strains will appreciate the zest that Funyunz pumps out.
A little more gassy and Kush-like than the aroma lets on, Funyunz' flavor is a quick reminder that you're smoking weed and not a spice rack. The umami notes are very noticeable, though, with sour, spicy flavors of garlic and onion powder sticking to the sides of my tongue before a fuel-forward funk takes over again.
Remember the Droopy cartoon character? Take the dog's eyes, drag them onto your face, and that's you every time after smoking Funyunz. The relaxation isn't immediate, usually taking 30 to 45 minutes to build up before slapping me in the face with a nonstop barrage of yawns, stretching, and longing memories of an empty bed. The physical effects usually end in a nap — but not without a strong bout of the munchies first, so plan your meal and sweatpants accordingly. This is one drowsy ride.
Where to find it:
1136 Yuma, Ascend, A Cut Above, Colorado Harvest Company, Doctors Orders, Frost, Green Man, Green RiNo, the Herbal Cure, Higher Grade, the Joint, the Lodge, LOVA, Lucy Sky, Simply Pure, Star Buds and WolfPac Cannabis have all recently carried Funyunz, but more stores across Colorado almost certainly have it, too. Cherry
, Monchu Gardens
all grow prized wholesale versions, while Higher Grade offers an in-house take, too.
The Cherry and Snaxland versions are both spicy, funky and heavily sedative, and I've heard that Monchu's version is similar, but I haven't tried it yet. For my money, Higher Grade's cut, not as popular as the branded versions but significantly cheaper, is the best value in town.
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