They can't love you back: 15 love songs about inanimate objects

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10. Alice Cooper - "I Love the Dead"

Alice Cooper doesn't give a shit if you're alive or dead, but he'll love you a hell of a lot more if you're dead, which is about as inanimate as you can get. How the hell did he even get away with releasing this song?

9. Daniel Johnston - "Speeding Motorcycle"

Clearly, this song is an ode to a, uh, speeding motorcycle. We're just glad Daniel Johnston has something that'll always be by his side.

8. Donovan - "I Love My Shirt"

There is probably nobody else on the planet that could pull off a song about loving a shirt, shoes and jeans, but Donovan does so with such conviction that it's impossible not to worry about your favorite shirt, hanging all by itself in the closet.

7. Magnetic Fields - "Acoustic Guitar"

It's certainly not the only song around that's an ode to a guitar, but it's one of our favorites because it also happens to be one of the strangest.

6. Jonathan Coulton - "A Laptop Like You"

Look, we all love our laptops, but who would have thought a love song about one would have the tenderness of a traditional song? Kudos to Coulton for nearly hiding the true meaning of the song here.

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Thorin Klosowski
Contact: Thorin Klosowski