Ask a Stoner

Dear Stoner: Where can I find Spice?

Dear Stoner: Where can I find Spice — synthetic weed — in Denver or Lakewood? I can't use the real stuff and can't find the stuff I used to buy anymore anywhere.
Raul, from the potline

Dear Raul: Think of the sketchiest neighborhood in Denver. Now find the nearest corner store not chain-owned in said neighborhood. That's our best guess as to where to find Spice — but frankly, we have no clue. Never tried the stuff ourselves and don't really have the desire to. Did you know synthetic cannabinoids were first made for testing on rats and weren't ever meant for human consumption? Yeah. Rats. In a way, people smoking it are still lab rats, and we have no way of knowing what the hell that stuff will do to you in the long term or even the short term. Batches of it show up from time to time in states across the U.S., making people sick enough to require medical treatment — including 221 people in Colorado last year, at least fifteen people at a homeless shelter in Austin, and 29 people in Gainesville, Florida, just last week. And who can forget the infamous face-eating incident in Miami in 2012? We certainly didn't.

If drug tests are keeping you from toking up, your best bet is to find something else to do. We heard you can get high from running, or something like that; if you give that a try, report back and let us know how it goes. If exercise and not getting stoned isn't going to work for you, try putting your money toward something synthetic worth buying: urine. A fake pee kit like those from QuickFix or TestClear will run $30 to $40 and should get you past most drug tests you'll encounter if you use it right.

Dear Stoner: I recently went to a wedding in Golden, and at the reception, a few of us fired up a joint out behind the barn where the wedding was being held, and the bride's father caught us. He's a state trooper in Georgia, and needless to say, he was pretty pissed off and gave her an earful. Now she's pissed at me for the whole thing. Should I apologize?
Bad Guest

Dear Guest: Needless to say, it's Colorado and you were at a private event and you were likely fully within your legal rights to toke up. So, no, you shouldn't apologize. Your friend presumably knew what you and all her other friends do for fun when she invited you to her wedding. You weren't rubbing it in anyone's face — and if anyone needs to apologize, it is the bride's pigheaded father. He sounds like the type who vacations in Mexico and then gets home and complains that everyone spoke Spanish the entire time.

Send questions to [email protected] or call the potline at 303-293-2222.

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William Breathes
Contact: William Breathes