Valentine's Day is coming up, and if you're anything like us, that means you're thinking up ways to make awkward passes at your co-workers, because we're pretty sure that OSHA ruled back in 1997 that sexual harassment doesn't count if it's on Valentine's Day. Right? Wrong -- at least according to buzz-kill central, otherwise known as "The Creative Group," if that is their real name, whose most recent survey indicated that seven out of ten executives say hugging is inappropriate at work. Well damn. If hugging is inappropriate, then you should definitely avoid these five things.
5. Telling her she smells nice Even if it's only because you want her to come to your house and rub herself all over your curtains and your couch because they currently smell like body odor and cat, do not comment on how she smells. By doing so, you will tip her off to that you have been smelling her, which for some reason chicks don't like. Just trust us on that one.
4. Leaving notes on her car You may imagine that leaving a note on her car will conveniently skirt you around the sexual harassment policy because it isn't face-to-face, but this practice will most likely achieve the opposite of the desired effect. She'll be coming out to the car later, when nobody's around, which will trigger in her mind a Scream-like scenario where she will not be sure whether the author of the note is watching her as she reads it or not, thus tripping the "rape alarm," which is not sexy.
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3. Demonstrating how much you know about the details of her life Of course it's true that when you're on a date, you shouldn't spend the whole time talking about yourself. You want to focus the attention on her. One the other hand, you have never been on a date and she has never told you anything about yourself, so it's kind of weird that you know what kind of conditioner she uses -- really, you should probably just avoid talking about her hair altogether.
2. Making reproductive jokes at the Xerox machine No matter how clever you may think it is to nod at the copier and say something like "You and me could be making copies in a similar fashion, except they would be made up of a combination of our genetic material rather than that of one of us individually," it's really not even that good a joke, and you're probably over-explaining it. You should also probably stop staring at her as she makes copies, or at least do it from a more discreet location -- she can see you from behind the filler tray.
1. Putting semen in her yogurt The best thing to do is not to get involved in her yogurt at all.