Certain drinks start out fun, but always end up hurting in the end. Shots of whiskey or vodka cocktails aren't what make me hung over before I even fall asleep, though. It's the sweet stuff — mimosas, frosé and spritzers. Those damn spritzers.
Spritzers are diluted, but the headache is assured when you've had six of them at brunch and continue the day-drinking adventure for another few hours. Then it's 4 p.m. before you know it, and your head begins to shrink. Your tongue gets dry, and your brain hurts. No amount of pizza, Gatorade or Advil will save you now, and weed only makes it worse. Sleep is the only option.
Being hung over before a nap doesn't guarantee you'll wake up feeling fresh, either. All of that sugar and booze is still sloshing around inside of you, and dehydration loves to make an appearance. That's when you turn to the "other" Spritzer — but this Spritzer isn't hair of the dog. This Spritzer, a child of Colorado breeder Cannarado
, is very easy on the body.
Cannarado mixed Grape Pie
to make Spritzer, but the triage of potent strains didn't create an overwhelming high. Instead, Spritzer plays all the right cards for someone in rough shape, soothing stress, tight stomachs and headaches while melting away any guilt you should rightfully feel for decisions made after too much wine. Spritzer is also flexible, clearing out any mental tension during lunch sessions without sucking away drive, energy or the ability to coherently text my parents. Packing Grape Pie, MAC and Runtz genetics into one strain is sure to create something potent, however, and anything more than half a joint of Spritzer is sure to knock me out with my socks still on, just like its boozy cousin.
Most versions of Spritzer are a mix of intense purple and olive green, with gnarled calyxes that like to foxtail. The bud structure is on the lighter side, leaving Spritzer susceptible to drying out fast.
Spritzer has an undeniable sweetness, but it reminds me more of mimosas than white wine. Notes of tangerines, grapes and blue raspberry flavoring dance together for a smooth, candy-like aroma, with a subtle side of gas and yeast. I'd expect nothing less from a child of Grape Pie and Runtz.
Spritzer's flavor isn't as sweet as the smell implies, but the fruit is still there. Sweet orange notes win the battle between the strain's fruity aspects, pushing aside grape and berry characteristics until a doughy aftertaste takes over. Despite the citrus profile, the flavor is much more sweet than sour.
Spritzer's high is typically dictated by my energy level. If I'm near full-battery, the relaxing effects aren't as physical (outside of the munchies, which are virtually unavoidable), and the mental euphoria consistently takes me to a happy place. If I'm anywhere close to tired, though, Spritzer turns me into a sloth with no direction, and questions of what to watch or where to eat seem like algebraic equations. The lack of anxiety and reliable relaxation make for a perfect weeknight high.
Where to find it:
We've seen Spritzer on the menu at Ajoya, Buddy Boy, Callie's Cannabis Shoppe, Cannabis Station, Cookies, Chronic Therapy, the Clinic, Den-Rec, Euflora, the Farm, Ganja Gourmet, Giving Tree of Denver, Golden Meds, the Herbal Cure, LaConte's, Leiffa, Life Flower Dispensary, Makena, Oasis Cannabis Superstores, Rocky Mountain High, Rocky Road, Silver Stem Fine Cannabis, Twin Peaks Dispensary and Unity Road. Den-Rec's flower and Mountain Select's live rosin are my favorite representation of the strain, but the Bank's cut — sold at the Clinic and extracted for PAX cartridges — is a solid second choice. Both the Den-Rec and Bank Spritzer are packed full of sweet flavors and relaxing effects, but they tend to come dry, so be prepared to put your buds on life support upon opening.
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