Reader: Hard to Find Running Shorts to Fit Travis Kauffman's Brass Balls

Reader: Hard to Find Running Shorts to Fit Travis Kauffman's Brass Balls
Courtesy of CPW's Wayne Lewis
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Here's something that doesn't happen every day: On February 4 while on a trail run, Travis Kauffman was attacked by a mountain lion and lived to tell the tale. Not only did he survive, he killed the kitty himself before running to safety.

At a press conference in Fort Collins on February 4, Kauffman — still looking battered and bruised — shared his story with the media. "I turned around and was pretty bummed out to see a mountain lion chasing after me," Kauffman said.

And readers have plenty to say about Kauffman's actions. Says Chaz:

Must be hard to find running shorts to fit around those massive, brass balls.

Nick predicts:

Knowing Colorado, he'll probably face some bogus felony charges soon.

Erin explains:

Wow, fight or flight. He’s gonna be the coolest dad at bring-your-parent-to-school day.

Charles says:

Well done, my man...although you’d think smashing his head with the rock would eventually do the trick. Glad you were able to escape with your parts intact!

Sean wonders:

Did they let him keep the body? I'd get that shit stuffed and mounted on my mantel. "Oh, that? That's just the mountain lion I killed with my bare hands."

Or turn the head into a winter running hat so all the other mountain lions know to stay the F back and let the guy finish his workout.

But Ron points out:

It wasn't even a full grown one. It was like a big house cat.

Cody adds:

Oh, it was only 50 pounds? I mean, still a cool story, but like you basically killed a baby mountain lion.

Deb responds:

I want this guy on my team. I don't care what sport we are playing.

Grant suggests:

He can suffocate me with his foot anytime.

And David concludes:

I bet #TravisThePumaKiller can throw a football better than #Flacco.

As Kauffman told the crowd at the press conference, once he realized the cat was on his trail, he started yelling to scare the animal away, but that didn't work. When it lunged at Kauffman, he blocked his face with his hands. The animal began clawing at him and eventually locked its jaw around his right wrist.

"That's when my fear response turned more into my fight response," Kauffman said. They tumbled down part of the trail together in what Kauffman described as a "wrestling match."

Eventually, Kauffman was able to shift his weight and get his right foot on the mountain lion's neck. The 5'10," 150-pound environmental consultant held his foot there for what seemed like three minutes, finally suffocating the mountain lion. Kauffman was then able to extract his wrist from the mouth of the dead cat, which wildlife officers said was young and weighed about fifty pounds.

At the gathering, Kauffman joked that he was no Chuck Norris: "Chuck woulda come out without a scratch. You know him. And he’d probably have the lion slung over his shoulder."

Have a thought about Kauffman's act? Share it in a comment or email editorial@westword.com.

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