Marijuana Strain Reviews

Why Colorado Tokers Love Greasy Grapes

Greasy Grapes will lubricate those sleepy time wheels.
Greasy Grapes will lubricate those sleepy time wheels. Herbert Fuego
James Caan died last week. Most of you probably know him as Buddy's crusty dad in Elf, but the dude had a great career that spanned seven decades. Already due for my annual watching of The Godfather, I sparked a joint and threw it on one night. But this time it wasn't Caan I noticed. It was Johnny Fontaine, the fake Sinatra. Maybe if the real Frank hadn't worked so hard to kill the movie, the character would've been better, but the version we got was weak and past his prime.

Smoking weed has the tendency to make me quite the movie snob, but criticizing what is widely regarded as one of the best American movies ever made is a new high for me. The pretentiousness doesn't last long, however, as I'm usually passed out within three hours. What is this magical strain that turns me into a baked Pauline Kael, you ask? Greasy Grapes, a potent little bugger that'll turn 3 p.m. into midnight real fast.

I usually do my homework when buying something for the first time, but Greasy Grape's imposing visual appeal and $30 price tag made me comfortable enough for an impulse buy. The strain's genetics are built for nighttime, though, with Exotic Genetix mixing Bubba Berry and Grease Monkey to juice up an already powerful relaxer. Bubba Berry is a mix of Blueberry and Bubba Kush, two time-honored "indicas" that press the snooze button often. Adding Grease Money, a modern hybrid of Cookies & Cream and Gorilla Glue, only makes the sedation stronger — and me snobbier.

They say everyone's a critic. Give us all a bowl of Greasy Grapes and that might be true. It's not exactly the strain I want to smoke before sending a legendary actor over the rainbow road, so maybe I'll start my Caan-a-thon with Misery and get high enough to worry that Kathy Bates might break my shins for not loving the dialogue.

Looks: As impressive as Greasy Grapes' dense, sugar-coated, multi-colored buds are, the whole plant is even more striking. Red-purple fan leaves and a sweaty coat of trichomes make the plant literally shine in the grow, like a more powerful Gelato.

Smell: The strain's berry and grape smells take time to develop in my nose, with an earthy sourdough aroma the strongest aspect out of the gate. Those mellow fruity notes build, though, with an enjoyable creamy back end, as well.

Flavor: Heavy on grease but light on the grapes, the smoke is more earthy and creamy than fruity, but there are subtle grape flavors that like to show up on the back of my tongue. Bland, but not offensive.

Effects: Don't fall for the twenty or thirty minutes of mental euphoria and curiosity, because the limbs start fading shortly after. Greasy Grapes never robs me of my wit or critical thinking, but the energy drain is way too much to be productive (or finish a three-hour movie). Surprisingly, the physical effects didn't include the munchies, so at least those naps carry slightly less guilt.

Where to find it: We've caught Greasy Grapes at Boulder Wellness Cannabis Co., Cookies, Higher Grade, the Joint, Lightshade, Lowell Gardens, Medicine Man, Nature's Kiss, Oasis Cannabis Superstore, OG Medicinals, Rocky Road, Silverpeak, Spark Dispensary and Star Buds, but expect more stores to carry it.

Indico and OG Medicinals have been responsible for all of the Greasy Grapes flower I've come across, while Dialed In makes rosin gummies from Greasy Grapes. I'm a fan of the Indico cut at the moment. Although the buds are on the dry side and have a cardboard-like texture when you break them up, the smoke is incredibly smooth and packs a devastating left hook that knocks my lights out.

Is there a strain you’d like to see profiled? Email [email protected]
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Herbert Fuego is the resident stoner at Westword, ready to answer all your marijuana questions.
Contact: Herbert Fuego