Talk about nice cars and full weed jars all you want, but during the summer, a true sign of riches is air-conditioning — and actually running it. July's sweaty, still nights have made me a tossing, turning mess as visions of frosty nugs and cool breezes dance in my head.
I've frequently turned to potent cannabis to help beat the heat and, like many self-medicators, get stoned enough to forget about my thighs being stuck to the couch. And as much as I wish a Zima helped unglue my skin from pleather, I'd rather fight fire with fire. In this case, my fire is the enforcer known as Platinum Bubba Kush.
The regular Bubba, as well as the older Pre-’98 Bubba, is usually more than fine at dusting me for the evening, pushing me near the status of Flat Sarah, the legendary deflated weed smoker in an anti-marijuana public-service announcement from the early 2000s. But instead of the quick, constant battering of relaxation and giggles that Bubba Kush provides, I wanted one huge tidal wave to hit me, all at once. Platinum Bubba, a hybrid of Bubba Kush and Platinum OG Kush (a triad of OG, Master Kush and an unknown purple strain), seemed like the atomic bomb that my sleeping pattern was looking for.
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Popular in Colorado 2012-ish, Platinum Bubba Kush became harder to find in Denver as the Cakes, Cookies and Pies turned dispensaries into bakeries. I finally found the strain at Denver Recreational Dispensary, which knows its way around Kushes and OGs. Looking at my purchase through tinted sunglasses, I thought my nugs were golden-brown, but when I removed my shades, I saw bright-green buds, glimmering thanks to a thin layer of trichomes and silver-tinted sugar leaves. It was like I was sixteen again, rolling a joint in my friend's Chevy S-10 as we listed to Slim Thug's Already Platinum. The comedown after the high made me feel sixteen again, too.
True to its reputation, Platinum Bubba smacked me like a long-winding haymaker, leaving an open space for about thirty minutes, allowing just enough time to cook a quesadilla and gulp down water before I crumbled into a thousand pieces. Anyone who doesn't fall asleep after a Platinum session is sure to fit the stoner stereotypes of aloof, lazy and ready for something fatty and fried at all times. While that's hardly the lifestyle I'm trying to lead right now, it's a reliable remedy for summer heat.
Looks: Platinum Bubba almost looks like a wider version of regular Bubba, but those brighter, fluffier buds and frosty artichoke sugar leaves are what give the strain a visibly platinum status. Combined with the red-orange pistil leaves and a small sprinkle of trichomes, that would be enough to have this pass as Silver Haze if it weren't for the lighter nug structure.
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Smell: A fresh blend of zesty, herbal and citrus notes combine for a minty aroma, with an earthy OG funk and spicy hints of chocolate and vanilla, giving Platinum Bubba a smell enjoyed by tobacco smokers and coffee lovers.
Flavor: Spicy, earthy flavors of Kush and black pepper dominate the smoke up front, with smoother, more subtle notes of chocolate and cloves sneaking in to linger after the session ends.
Effects: If you've smoked Platinum Bubba before the sun goes down, don't be foolish enough to think that caffeine will help you now. It's almost as if I felt the energy draining from my body as time went on, taking with it minor back and neck pain. Although I can't say my stress was treated, my brain was so cloudy that the concept of stress became foreign enough for easy drifting, but that drifting could never center on one thing for very long.
Is there a strain you'd like to see profiled? Email firstname.lastname@example.org.