Best Item Confiscated at DIA 2002 | Deer antlers | Best of Denver® | Best Restaurants, Bars, Clubs, Music and Stores in Denver | Westword
Navigation
Support Us
Search

Best Item Confiscated at DIA

Deer antlers

Since September 11, security screeners at Denver International Airport have confiscated enough scrap metal -- in the form of nail clippers, scissors and letter openers -- to build a 747, and fondled enough underwire bras to get second jobs as mammographers. But according to Denver police officers stationed at DIA, the most suspicious and potentially dangerous item confiscated to date were some deer antlers. What, did they think a terrorist might rut his way into the cockpit? D'oe!

Best Item Confiscated at DIA

Deer antlers

Since September 11, security screeners at Denver International Airport have confiscated enough scrap metal -- in the form of nail clippers, scissors and letter openers -- to build a 747, and fondled enough underwire bras to get second jobs as mammographers. But according to Denver police officers stationed at DIA, the most suspicious and potentially dangerous item confiscated to date were some deer antlers. What, did they think a terrorist might rut his way into the cockpit? D'oe!

Best Mayoral Proclamation

Maggiano's Millionth-Meatball Day
May 10, 2001

It was enough to give you a very bad case of indigestion: There was Denver's mayor, Wellington Webb, performing meatball surgery at Maggiano's, a restaurant in the Denver Pavilions whose home base is in Chicago -- the city that had just stolen Boeing's new headquarters from us. But Webb, our biggest meatball, continued to pour on the sauce: "I offer thanks and congratulations to Maggiano's for their millionth meatball, and best wishes for a million more meatballs!" Yeah, and how about a million more peculiar proclamations -- Bill Stuart Day! Sister Ignatius Day! -- which the mayor's office spews out like an endless strand of spaghetti confetti.

Best Mayoral Proclamation

Maggiano's Millionth-Meatball Day
May 10, 2001

It was enough to give you a very bad case of indigestion: There was Denver's mayor, Wellington Webb, performing meatball surgery at Maggiano's, a restaurant in the Denver Pavilions whose home base is in Chicago -- the city that had just stolen Boeing's new headquarters from us. But Webb, our biggest meatball, continued to pour on the sauce: "I offer thanks and congratulations to Maggiano's for their millionth meatball, and best wishes for a million more meatballs!" Yeah, and how about a million more peculiar proclamations -- Bill Stuart Day! Sister Ignatius Day! -- which the mayor's office spews out like an endless strand of spaghetti confetti.

Best Congressional Haiku -- Republican

Scott McInnis

According to www.yourcongress.com, Scott McInnis, who represents Colorado's 3rd Congressional District, ranks only 66th for power, but rates this haiku:

Hey Scott! Relax pal

Just what color is your hair?

It has changed often

Best Congressional Haiku -- Republican

Scott McInnis

According to www.yourcongress.com, Scott McInnis, who represents Colorado's 3rd Congressional District, ranks only 66th for power, but rates this haiku:

Hey Scott! Relax pal

Just what color is your hair?

It has changed often

Best Congressional Haiku -- Democrat

Mark Udall

The 2nd Congressional District rep is one tall drink of non-contaminated water, but on www.yourcongress.com, Mark Udall's haiku is short and sweet:

Looks like his old man

Environmentalist, too

Not a bad combo

Best Congressional Haiku -- Democrat

Mark Udall

The 2nd Congressional District rep is one tall drink of non-contaminated water, but on www.yourcongress.com, Mark Udall's haiku is short and sweet:

Looks like his old man

Environmentalist, too

Not a bad combo

Best Congressional Haiku -- Retiring

Bob Schaffer

Republican Bob Schaffer, whose third -- and final -- term representing the 4th Congressional District ends this year, is going out with a bang. His haiku on www.yourcongress.com:

Rocky Mountain Highs

Might be outlawed by this guy

Good thing Denver's dead

Best Congressional Haiku -- Retiring

Bob Schaffer

Republican Bob Schaffer, whose third -- and final -- term representing the 4th Congressional District ends this year, is going out with a bang. His haiku on www.yourcongress.com:

Rocky Mountain Highs

Might be outlawed by this guy

Good thing Denver's dead

Best Of Denver®

Best Of

Use of this website constitutes acceptance of our terms of use, our cookies policy, and our privacy policy Westword may earn a portion of sales from products & services purchased through links on our site from our affiliate partners. ©2024 Denver Westword, LLC. All rights reserved.
Do Not Sell or Share My Information
Powered By Foundation